Douche x Infinite

So today my cousin Courtney and I went out for lunch at this place called Two Hippies. Her dad recommended it and as it turned out it was delicious. But let me get to the douche of the story....

We get to the place and find a parking spot. For those of you who have eaten Indian Fry Bread, this parking lot is smaller. We were lucky because someone was leaving right as we pulled in and we got the parking spot right next a garbage can and the wall.

Since Courtney and I had never been there before, we needed to look over the menu. While we were making our selection a guy walked in and placed his order. Then Courtney and I walked up and placed our order, after which the guy apologized for cutting. Courtney and I told him not to worry because we needed to look over the menu anyway. Then we had to wait for our order.

Mind you the place is a little small and there isn't a lot of room to stand or sit. So I found the seat next to our little friend, but on my way I bumped him, then another guy on the other side of the chair, then our little friend again. Needless to say I felt like a bull in a china shop.

Then my name was called and then our little friend's order was called. It turns out his name is Zach. As Courtney and I are walking to the car we and laughing about Zach, we notice that some Douche parked diagonal behind me. The first thing that comes out of my mouth was "What a douche. Who would park like that in a parking lot like this?" Then we turned around to see if anyone was behind us and low and behold it was Zach. When he realized that we were walking to my car he turned right around and walked back to the restaurant. That is when Courtney and I realized that it must be his car!!! But it wasn't confirmed until I backed out of the spot we saw Zach hiding in the bushes. He didn't get out and officially walk to his car until we pulled out of the parking lot!!!

That is why he is an infinite douche!!!

Hello Nemesis #430

By now I feel like I should change the direction of my blog to all the nemeses I seem to have. This past weekend, I was introduced to yet another nemesis of mine. I never would have thought this object would become a nemesis but I guess that is what the element of surprise is all about.



So this past weekend here in Phoenix, Arizona is was 60 degrees, cloudy, and rainy when I woke up. I was so excited as we haven't had a day like this in so long!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well since last year really. But I was even more excited that I was finally able to turn the air conditioner off and open all the windows in the condo for some fresh air.



I started with our bedroom first. Teddy slept soundly while I struggled with the windows in the room, but hey, what are husbands for right? Then I moved on to the spare bedroom and then to the living room. I was feeling pretty good about the weather and just really excited....Little did I know disaster was waiting in the other room. For those of you who don't know, Teddy and I have a rather large window in our living room. Well I think it is a big window...anyway, I am pulling on the string to pull the blinds up when all a sudden I hear a snap and the blinds come flying off the wall and land on my head, shoulder, and hand.



I am standing right by the window holding my head because it hurt so bad and I was trying not to cry when Teddy comes running down the hallway to see what happened. Remember, he was sleeping when all this happened. When I saw him I started crying and he came running over because he thought I had really hurt myself. I just keep saying that I was sorry and asking if I broke them. Teddy kept saying for me to stop apologize and move your hands I need to see if you are bleeding.



After the excitement died down and I relaxed a little I asked Teddy if he liked how he woke up. He said no because he really thought I had hurt myself, but he thought it was something in the kitchen. I guess when I hurt myself I usually have some sort of reaction that follows the loud noise. But this time, he only heard the noise and thought I was seriously hurt. Poor Teddy :(

Dirty Feet, Dirty Looks, Pretty Nails

Tonight, after my car situation was worked out, I went to get my nails done and a pedicure. I decided to try this new nail place by my "new" house. Well, apparently my feet were really bad. The guy that was working on my feet kept looking up at me and down at my feet then back up at me with this disgusted look on his face. It was very uncomfortable....I didn't know what else to do but smile at him. Then he would return it with a snooty smile...I was so embarrassed that he thought my feet were so gross, but I swear they weren't that bad. But hey, I wore open toed shoes all day...what did he expect????

In the end, my feet feel amazing and my nails look great. The store was very nice and I do plan on going there again. I will just have to make sure that I clean and scrub my feet before I go...

One Car Garage Part II

Because my car was dead and Courtney drove me to work, Adam had to pick me up from work. When we got home he tried to push my car out of the garage so he could jump it; however, my garage is only a one car garage. So he really had to push my car all the way out. If only it were that easy...my car was so dead that the gear shifter wouldn't move to to neutral...so we had to call AAA to get a tow truck company to come out and tow my car out of the garage. Luckily, they only needed extra long jumper cables to jump start my car.....oh how great you are Downtown Towing...

Hello My "New" Nemesis....

Apparently I had a fight with a blue pen today and it looks like it won....now the only issue is how long I walked around the office with the markings from the fight....

One Car Garage

This morning started out like any other morning....Adam woke up and started getting ready for work. Then while he was eating his breakfast I got up and started getting ready for work. Adam left for work and I got a few snacks ready for me to eat during the day. I went downstairs to the garage and my wonderful car...but when I turned the key to hear the gentle pure of my car I heard nothing. I tried again but still nothing. Then I remembered back to a few months ago when my battery was dead and reached down to my headlight switch. And yes, I had left them on again. The last time I left them all on day while I was at work and my car was dead when I got in my car to go home.

Well, I called my dad to see if he could come and jump my car as he works only five minutes away but he didn't answer. Then I remembered my cousin Courtney. She works with me and would have to pass my house on her way to work anyway. So, I called her she saved the day. She even stopped by Circle K for me to get a soda in a Styrofoam cup!!!!

Alicia, Are You Out There?

Dear new best friend Alicia,

I know it is has been several weeks since we last spoke and saw each other, but I wanted to tell you that I will be going to the ASU game this weekend and hopefuly the one on 11/28. Is there a chance of a reunion? If so, please have your mom e-mail me your phone number so we can meet up?

Does that sound like we are 12? Have your mom call my mom for a play date? ha ha ha ha ha ha....

Incidents 260-268

I hope everyone enjoyed my sister's guest entry. The night began lovely, just as Alyssa described it; however, there were a few things she left out that lead up to Incident 268. It is my duty to address them one by one. Please start with Incident #260 further down to learn the story from the beginning.

Also note, Incidents 260-269 all happened between 6:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.

Incident 269

After Alyssa and I composed ourselves, we headed up to see our niece. The day before, the nurse showed me where Shawn and Mindi would be staying for recovery. So when we got to the floor we went straight to the room. I stopped real quick to get cupcakes I had bought for said niece's birthday.

When I met Alyssa at the door she knocked and no one answered.

She knocked again…no answer.

Knocked again and added "housekeeping, want me fluff your pillow?"…no answer.

Then I opened the door to look in and the room was empty. Apparently, they had changed rooms and didn't tell us. When we headed back down the hall to the Nurses station, we saw our dad standing there. Apparently he had been there the whole time and we never saw each other….

Incident 268 Rebuttal

The only thing that I am going to rebut regarding my sisters outline of Incident 268 is that after I smashed the bag in her face I was really concerned that I had hurt her. She kept mumbling something about her lip and I couldn't understand her, so I thought I had cut her lip, pushed to hard, or that something was seriously wrong with her. I like how she left that part out of the story. I only smashed the bag in her face as a joke and I didn't even really mean for it to make contact…

The funniest part about the bag incident is that the spot of liquid was so small. We really had to search the bag to find it…

Incident 267

After we finished eating, I drove us back to the hospital and accidently went in a turn lane that I believe was just for U-Turns. Apparently that was all Alyssa needed to start telling me how to drive and find a parking spot at the hospital. Can you see why Incident 268 happened?

Incident 266

This next part I don't quite understand, but while we were sitting there eating Alyssa turned on my overheard lights in the car. When I turned them off, she replied that she likes to have the light on when she eats. The reason I don't understand that is because her house is really dark, even with the lights on. So I didn't know why she would need to the light on in the car. Needless to say she lost.

Incident 265

After we ordered, I drove to the JITB parking lot for us to eat. Alyssa didn't understand why we didn't just drive over to the hospital parking lot and that is when I told her that she was now on her second strike. The third strike she was going to walk home.

Incident 264

After QT Alyssa and I headed over to JITB so we could get some food. Now Alyssa hadn't been to this JITB before, but I had gone the night before to get my dad and brother some food so I knew how to get to the drive-thru. So as I turn into the parking lot Alyssa gets so upset that I didn't make the first turn and went a long way which actually gave me a better turning radius. What happened while we were ordering is unclear, but I can tell you that Alyssa placed her order and I was not given a chance. So I had to order when we got to the window.

Incident 263

After I went to the bathroom I didn't see Alyssa in the store, so I thought she went back to the car. Which was odd because I had the keys. When I got to the car I saw that the headlights were on but no one was in the car and I thought Alyssa was trying to play a trick on me. I get in the car start it and sit there. A few minutes go by and no Alyssa. I start to panic because her purse is in the car and it was unlocked with the headlights on….initially I thought she had been kidnapped. I started to look around the whole parking lot. And to be honest, I really was scared. But then I thought, just go look inside one more time before you say anything to anybody. Good thing I did, because when I walked back up to the door and saw she was paying for the items. I was really relieved to learn she hadn't been kidnapped.

Incident 262

During that whole ordeal, I had to go potty really bad. (I am sorry I said potty, but I felt that if I said I had to go to the bathroom really bad you would have thought something else.) When we get to QT we get out and are welcomed in the store. I go straight to the bathroom and Alyssa went to get Mindi's request…tootsie rolls. Well, when I went to the restroom there was a sign on the door that said "Closed for Cleaning" and a mop bucket outside the door. So I turned around and went to help Alyssa where we learned that neither of us pay attention to each other and we had two different conversations at the same time. Here is what was said:

Alyssa - Why didn't you get Shawn's soda

Stacey - Because some guy was cleaning it.

Then Alyssa ventured over to the soda and saw that no one was cleaning the soda machines and I headed back to the bathroom as I saw someone coming out which meant it was good to go.

Incident 261

Once the fitting was over, we ventured out to the hospital. It just so happened that it was around dinner time. That is always a touchy subject as my sister and I have a hard time agreeing on what things to eat. Anyway, as we get closer Alyssa calls my brother to see if he and Mind need anything and we get their request. As you read, he wanted something from QT but we hadn't decided on what we wanted to do. I suggested that we get a snack from QT and then stop for something with more substance on the way home. Well Alyssa did not like that at all and wasn't shy about expressing it. After I asked her a million times if she wanted me to stop at JITB with only being told no, I headed straight for QT.

Incident 260

My annoyance began before we were even in the same vehicle. That night my bridesmaids' had their first dress fitting. Alyssa and I had decided that we would meet at the bowling alley on Rural and I-60 to carpool to the bridal shop and then the hospital. Well, of course leaving work at 5 o'clock can have its hiccups. I can't remember what time I suppose to meet her, but I was late. She called and we "discussed" our options and then decided to meet at the bridal store and then carpool to the hospital. I arrived only minutes after everyone else, so it worked out great.

Guest Incident #268

Hi everyone this is Stacey’s sister Alyssa, aka poohead/aka abroblogstalker. I have the unique opportunity to be a guest blogger on Stacey’s blog!

I wanted to write about incident #268 in which I was the victim of one of Stacey’s incidents.

It was a lovely Thursday night, a great night really because my niece had been born the day before. Stacey and I were heading to the hospital to visit said niece and we ended up making a few pit stops on the way to kill time (baby niece was practicing eating and she needed her privacy!) We stopped at QT to get our brother a soda and there was an incident with Stacey and the bathroom (I’ll let her tell that one) and there was an incident with Stacey getting to the car earlier than me (again, I’ll leave that one to her) but the one I want to focus on is the incident that took place with the Jack-in-the-Box bag from dinner.

To set the stage, we were both very tired. We clearly had sympathy fatigue for the new parents-waiting for text messages at odd hours of the night and for babies to be born is very hard work! We were both a little irritable (mostly Stacey) and short-tempered (again Stacey)…

Ok, so we arrive at the hospital. We’re in the car gathering our things to take up with us. We grab our purses and drinks. The bag from Jack is in the center of the console so I push it towards Stacey for her to grab.

We laugh.

She pushes it back at me.

We laugh.

I threw it at her.

We’re laughing harder.

And then she chose to RAM IT IN MY FACE.

After the brutal attack I realize there is something on my lip…all I know is it feels wet. I start screaming (while laughing my butt off) that I have something on my lip. “What’s on my lip??” “What’s on my lip??” But I’m trying not to move my mouth because I don’t know what is there so it sounds more like “wup on ma lip?” I’m imagining the worst that maybe my lip was cut from the bag or something gross is on there!! Finally after we compose ourselves (sort of) from laughing Stacey looks and says “IT IS JUST WATER”. Somehow the bottom of the bag got wet (maybe condensation from a drink?)

This started our laughing again and we kept laughing until our tummies hurt and we had tears running down our faces. I don’t know which is funnier, her ramming it in my face or me thinking I had a busted lip from it.

Thanks, Stacey, for letting me blog!

Peace out!

Headbands

After reading the comments on my "Famous" blog, I realized that I forgot to tell a very funny and embarrassing story that happened at the Mary Kay party. If you haven't been to a MK party before, you usually sit around a table at what would be a "station" to try out the different product. Generally, you wash your face with their product and then follow with their make-up. It is actually pretty fun if you haven't every tried it before. Anyway...the consultant gives you headbands to hold your hair back while you are testing the product....well at the end of the night, I asked her if I could keep my headband. She responded with "No, I take them home and wash them so I can reuse them." Well she said this with a smile on her face, so I thought she was joking. But she wasn't. Everyone started laughing and telling the MK lady to hurry and get the headband before I steel it and they are super cheep at Walmart.

I looked and sounded like a psycho...but she was smiling!!! How as I suppose to know she was serious?????